Put Them Back
by Neekspandasdeeks
Summary: When a Summer Holiday arranged by Hetty turns Kensi and Deeks to face the life they have both been hiding from. Will the family reunite or realise it never was meant to be?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**AN- **I cannot tell you how excited I am to post this story. I am having so much fun writing it and I really hope you have just as much fun reading it. It takes place over the American summer holiday. I'm not from there so please forgive me if my research isn't perfect. This chapter turned out much longer than I expected but you will see why I didn't cut it in the end. Please feel free to leave a review on your way out.

**Disclaimer- **If you know them they are not mine.

Deeks had now finished packing the last of the bags onto the back of his truck and was now starting to pack the cooler box for the trip he was moments away from going on with his daughter. He knelt down and opened the freezers door letting the cold air that escaped cool his face from the warm summer air in Los Angeles. His eyes scanned the freezer for a tub of ice-cream he had bought just that morning. He sighed when he didn't find it.

"Fern Kensi Deeks!"

When there was no answer after a long minute Deeks stood up and made his way through the small house towards a black door with a purple fern down the middle. After there was no answer to his knocking he opened the door slowly. There she was, Fern. The perfect replica of her mother lying on her bed with her earphones plugged into her ears so loud Deeks could hear the ringing of the music. She was scratching the last bit of rocky-road ice-cream out of the carton. Fern pulled her earphones out of her ears and gave Deeks a sneaky smile. she knew exactly what he was looking for.

"Hi daddy"

Deeks put his hands on his hips, "I was calling you."

"Sorry I had my earphones in. You could have sent me a text."

"I prefer the normal why which you may call the _old_ way."

"No one likes old."

"No actually _you_ like a lot of old things…"

"Like what exactly?"

"Greenday, Nickelback, ACDC, and I'm pretty sure everything old that has to do with nature."

Fern held a finger in front of her lips, "Don't tell a soul."

Deeks laughed, "Sweetie how many times do I have to tell you not to eat that. I think I'm going to need to have the discussion about budgets and unhealthy eating with you again."

Fern got up and followed Deeks into the kitchen, "Don't worry dad… I know you will buy me more."

"I was thinking maybe I should take the money I spend on ice-cream every month out of your allowance."

"Na, I think that's just your way of telling me you don't want to give me money anymore."

"Well I only earn a cops salary and you refuse to share the money you earn from working as a waitress with me because you're saving… plus I think it's the only way to stop you from smoking."

Fern didn't reply but continued to help Deeks pack the cooler box. She didn't want to reply and she also didn't know how to reply. She was on the beach with her friends one Saturday evening, her phone had died and it was past her curfew so Deeks decided to walk up to the beach because it was a block away from their house. Deeks appeared out of nowhere and took the cigarette away from her and began shouting at her. She had never seen him so angry at her, not even when she had come home several hours after her curfew and he found out she lied about being at work. She still hadn't stopped thinking about that day. She felt afraid of him and cried in front of him and all her friends. He left the beach in anger and when Fern arrived home he wasn't there. He didn't come back for a whole day and when he did he apologised with tears in his eyes and begged for her forgiveness which he easily earned because Fern felt guilty.

"So where are we going?" Fern asked changing the subject which Deeks allowed.

"On a tour of America, I spoke to Hetty on the phone this morning and that's all she told me. She gave me the address of where we are heading today but she says she is only giving us the other addresses when it's time to go there. It's a national park or something."

"I love that woman. Why is she doing this anyway? She is paying for the whole thing. Do you know how expensive it is to travel around America for as long as the entire summer holidays?"

Deeks shrugged, "She is getting old and she is feeling generous."

"So in other words she is about to die and is getting rid of all her money?"

"Something like that."

"And we are just accepting that?"

"She will not take no for an answer, you know that," Deeks patted Ferns back, "Come on baby girl lets hit the road."

Deeks took his eyes off the road to look at Fern for a second. Her dark hair was in curls flowing down her back and shoulders. She was wearing leather black pants and a striped black and purple collared shirt. Her eyes were closed with her earphones plugged into her ears again. She was hugging her knees with a smile on her face. She was beautiful.

He softly pulled out one of her earphones which earned him a death stare. "And that was for?"

Deeks chuckled softly, "Why don't you ever talk to me?"

Fern sat up straight, "Well… I don't know what I am supposed to talk to you about, period's maybe?"

"Even though that sounds like an interesting topic I think that maybe I will just give that one a pass."

Fern laughed, "Yeah? What are we supposed to talk about?"

"Let's play a game?"

"I spy?"

"Not a good Idea while I'm driving."

"Tell me something you have never told me before."

Deeks shook his head he knew exactly what she was getting at.

"Fine I'll ask," Fern said crossing her arms, "What was my mother's name?"

"Fern you know I don't like talking about her."

"But that doesn't make it my fault. I am almost 16 and I don't know what my mother looks like, what her name is or even if she is dead or alive!"

"Fern I said no!" Deeks said sternly.

"Dad just one thing, please?"

Deeks took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Fern deserved to know something about her mother, and she wouldn't stop until she got it. He thought about it for a couple of seconds as Fern watched him slowly. He was afraid what he said would hit too close to home. He tried his best every single day not to think about Kensi but somehow he always did even after all of these years. Finally he spoke, "Partners."

Fern raised an eyebrow, "Huh?"

"Your mom and I, we were partners."

"She was a cop?"

"Not exactly… we worked for NCIS."

"NCI- who?"

"NCIS, Naval Criminal Investigative Service. It's a federal agency. Your mom was an agent and I was and LAPD liaison officer."

Ferns mouth dropped, "My mom was a federal agent? That's so badass!"

"What can I say, she was Badass Blye."

"Blye?"

"Shit. Yeah Blye is her surname."

"Okay continue?" Fern asked hopefully, ignoring the name hint hoping to get more out of Deeks.

"That's all there is."

"Why are you not a liaison officer anymore?"

"That is a story for another day."

"Please don't leave me hanging like this dad?"

"We were so in love until after we had you."

"Gee was I such a bad baby?"

"It wasn't you it was her. She had an extremely bad case of postpartum depression and it lasted every long. I tried to help her but she pushed me away. I fought and I fought for her and for our family for a year and a half. I would've rather died than walked out on her. I refused to let her give up. I refused to let her give up on getting better or on our family but soon she grew tired and broke up with me. I refused to let her go so she put me through hell and eventually I left. I resigned from NCIS and took you with me. I haven't seen her since then."

Fern stared at her father. Deeks had never told her anything about her mother so it was overwhelming to take in all of this. Although she was shocked and still processing what had happened she had more questions, "Why didn't she fight you for me?"

"No Fern it's not like that. We both agreed it would be best if I took you."

"But… she didn't fight."

"Honey don't think like that. There is another reason that I'm not prepared to talk to you about right now."

Fern rolled her eyes, "So do I look more like you or her? If I was a year and a half old why don't I have any pictures with her?"

"I left them all on purpose. I was so devastated I wanted to not have any reminders of what we had together. I even left my dog, Monty. Leaving him broke my heart like you cannot believe. You would have loved him."

"Why, I don't understand?"

"You see Fern the only real way to get out of loves evil gip is to block it out. Everything that built up the relationship needs to go. For me it was photographs, my job, my dog, and… uh, never mind. You also need to let yourself feel the ache of your heart breaking. After you have felt that pain you can start to let go and try and forget."

Fern shook her head. She felt Deeks pain and that broke her heart but she knew he was lying to her. Maybe even lying to himself. She could only try to imagine what her parents had shared. It must have been amazing. "I don't agree. Your heart doesn't ever stop aching. Not the love I think you two shared. Not true love. That is why you are so afraid of talking about her or anything that has to do with her. You are still in love with her and I don't blame you."

Deeks was shocked at his daughter's words, who was he trying to fool? She was intelligent beyond her years. "Alright Fern I will give you that but although my heart is broken my soul is in good condition. You see, loving can mend a soul and you Fern Kensi mended mine."

Fern smiled, "I love you too dada."

"Hey dad?" Fern said after a few minutes, "You still haven't answered my question, what is her name?"

Deeks laughed at her attempt, "Oh Fern everything is all than you think."

Fern laughed, she knew it was wishful thinking. She was happy Deeks had finally opened up to her and told her about her mother. She appreciated it more than anyone could imagine.

Fern leaned forward and banged onto the dashboard with excitement. Deeks laughed at her in confusion.

"What is this about now?"

"Dad this is not just a national park or something this is the Yosemite National Park! This place is beautiful. It has North America's tallest waterfall. Some even say that this is the most beautiful place on earth. No cities, no pollution just beautiful nature."

Deeks squinted at the wooden Yosemite sign beside the road he had just turned onto. "Well then lets check this place out huh?"

When the two arrived at the cottage inside the park a scruffy dog tackled Deeks. He bent down and scratched the dog hesitantly as it licked his face.

"He is adorable dad! I think he likes you." Fern walked around the truck to join Deeks and patted the dog.

"I'd say," Deeks said as he stood up and glanced at the cottage with a grass roof. He then turned and looked at Fern.

"What's up dad?" Fern asked noticing her father's confused face and almost pale skin.

"Uh nothing is wrong, you should go take a look around this place while I unload the truck."

"No dad I will help," Fern argued.

"Fern I have it, go now."

Fern rolled her eyes and spun around putting her earphones back into her ears and walking down a small path. The dog following closely behind her.

Deeks made his way up the steps towards the door and found it unlocked. He put his key back into his pocket and opened the door. The cottage was old fashioned and smelt of mothballs. He took a few steps inside to look around when he heard a woman shout from the next room.

"Max do you have your night light?"

A young man's voice shouted back at her, "Nice one mom, I fell asleep with it on, I was reading!"

Deeks eyes widened, he recognised the woman's voice. He knew it off by heart. "Kensi is that you?"

Within a second she was standing at the door of the room she was in. Her hair had grown and she looked older. She had the exact expression on her face as he did. It showed pain and confusion. It was her, standing in the door way just a few metres away from him. It was Kensi Blye. He hadn't seen her in fourteen and a half years. She looked the same except for tiny features caused by age. She was beautiful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**AN- this is a short chapter but I felt I had to give Max the same exposure as I did Fern. **

Kensi packed the last of the luggage into her silver Cadillac and returned to the kitchen. She began to tap the kitchen counter in frustration that soon turned into worry. She pulled her cell phone out and called the most recent called person. It immediately sent her to voicemail. She put the phone down and continued tapping. After a few more minutes the front door swung open and a blonde teenager with blue eyes and no T-shirt walked through the door with earphones plugged into his ears, holding a surfboard in one arm and a leach in the other connected to a scruffy dog at his feet.

"Max Marty Deeks!"

A smile appeared on his face as he leaned his surfboard against the wall and took the leach off of the dog. "Mom come on, school closed yesterday and today is my first day of summer before I spend the rest of it with you. I just went to the beach with some friends and trust me when I say the tide was amazing today."

Kensi shook her head at her son, he was a perfect clone of his father. Carefree and humorous. "Max how many times do I need to tell you that you need to listen to me. It's not safe out there, when I say three hours I mean three hours not five. It is so dangerous for you and you know why."

Max smiled and sat on the chair next to her, "Mom you don't need to worry about me, you have taught me how to fight and how to protect myself and a bunch of other things that teaching a teenage boy how to do could get him into a lot of trouble with the law. Also just remember that I am a teenage boy and it's in my nature to break the rules.

Kensi raised an eyebrow, "Who told you that shit?"

"Oh just the things you did when you were around my age."

"They didn't tell you that, they told you how breaking the rules wasn't fun in the end."

"Mom it doesn't matter what the consequences are breaking the rules is always fun."

"No max it's not," Kensi argued.

"Anyway mom, I think you need a man in your life so you will get over your over protective stage. I like you better when you don't worry so much. Alright I'll get changed and meet you in the car in a few minutes. I'm sorry I made you late."

Kensi watched her son leave the kitchen with a trail of sand behind him wondering how he became so cheeky.

Monty jumped onto his back legs and barked at Kensi with excitement before jumping into the car where she had just opened the door for him. Max climbed into the passenger seat and started a conversation with Monty. Kensi climbed into the car and pulled out the driveway.

"Let's play 'who am I?'" Max suggested after a few hours passed. He had now gotten board of talking to Monty, Listening to music and creating his own beat with his drum sticks.

"Yes, let's do that. I'll go first. Uhm… I like to do my business in private, I am a very fussy eater, I love high heels, I have a bunch of teddy bears, I have emotional problems and I love to watch the crime channel."

Max burst into laughter, "Mom you can do better than that, It's Monty."

Kensi nodded and laughed too.  
>"Okay it's my turn. I… Uh… Many people know me except for the one person on earth who wants to, I have blonde shaggy hair and blue eyes. I worked in law enforcement. I had a dog I wa-"<p>

"Max don't you dare start that with me!"

Max sighed, it was wishful thinking. It would have to take some time again for Kensi to open up to him like she did a year ago. Even then she only told him the basics about his father saying she could not deprive him from that information because it was abuse. He turned and looked out the window at the passing fields just off the freeway.

Kensi bit her lip feeling guilty for being so hard on Max all the time. She pushed him away every time he got even a little close to her. She hated to admit that she was afraid to let him close because of Deeks. She studied her son who looked angry but sad as he stared into the distance.

"You know Max, there is something I want to talk to you about. You know you can tell me all of your fears and I will not judge you." Kensi grinned at her son.

Max looked at her uncertain, "What are you getting at mom?"

"You can tell me about anything you are afraid of like maybe say… the dark."

Max stared at her blankly searching the depths of his mind to figure out what she was talking about.

Kensi laughed, "I got up for water last night and when I walked past your room I noticed a light so I went in to check on you because it was late and your bedside lamp was on and you were asleep."  
>Max began laughing hysterically at his mother and after a few moments of watching her son Kensi joined in.<p>

"Mom," Max said trying to calm himself, "I was reading all those old books you gave and fell asleep with it on."

Kensi nodded, "I bet you did."

"Mom come on, I am being serious. It was an accident I am not afraid of the dark."

"Or are you? I'm not judging here. I would even pay for the trip to the psychologist."

"Mom!"

Kensi burst into laughter again, "Come on scaredy-cat don't be scared."

Max pulled a face at Kensi, "You are a very mean person. Did you know that?"

"That's why you love me son."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**AN- I am so sorry for taking so long to update this. I ended up being busier than I had expected and then Word crashed on my laptop and I had to transfer everything to my sisters laptop. So finally here it is. I hope you all like it. Please tell me what you think.**

"Deeks…" Her voice cracked as she spoke.

Neither moved nor said a word for three minutes. They stared into each other's eyes remembering. Remembering everything they went through together. The bad times, the good times, the happy times, the romantic times, the funny times, the frustrating times, the hard times, the dangerous times and the chaotic times they went through side by side every single day. Speaking was something both wanted to do but could not find the ability to do so.

Eventually a blonde teenager appeared next to Kensi not sure if he should be confused or try to protect his mother. He froze when he examined the man in front of him. Max recognised him from the only photo he had with him. The stranger in front of him was his father. He did not say a word, just studied the scene in front of him.

"Max?" Deeks managed to choke out. Studying the boy's features. He looked like the familiar face in the mirror he saw when he was around seventeen. Deeks had always imagined him to have more of Kensi's features.

Max frowned he was staring at his father and it was not a happy moment as he had always expected, it was a confused and sad one.

The three stared at each other in an awkward silence until the cottage door swung open and Fern bounced inside happily, "Dad you have got to see… this."

She stared at Kensi. She didn't need to confirm that the woman in front of her was indeed her mother. The women looked just like her. She stared at Fern with puffy eyes. Fern turned her attention to the boy he had one hand in his jean pocket and the other gripping his mother's wrist, he was staring at her in confusion. She looked at Deeks and tilted her head, "Dad. What is going on?"

Deeks put his hand on her shoulder and gulped, "Fern this is your mother, Kensi Marie Blye and your twin brother Max Martin Deeks."

Fern looked up at Deeks with tear filled eyes. She shook her head as a tear rolled out of her left eye. Her mother was a few feet in front of her and she had a brother, a twin brother whom she did not know about until just a second before. Why hadn't Deeks told her about him? It was a big deal to her.

Kensi nodded and turned to Max, "That's your father Martin Andrew Deeks and your sister Fern Kensi Deeks."

Fern felt anger begin to rise through her body and more tears began falling from her eyes. She spun around and sprinted out of the door. Deeks called after her but she did not flinch.

"Max," Kensi turned to explain herself to her son but he shook his head and pushed her out of his way following Fern out the door leaving Kensi and Deeks to a long awkward silence.

"Fern wait up!" Max shouted after his sister when he spotted her just before she disappeared into a maze of trees.

Fern shook her head and sped up. Her dark hair flew back as she ran.

Within a few minutes Max found Fern slumped against a tree, one hand wrapped around her knees keeping them close to her chest and a cigarette in the other hand.

He took a step closer to her and knelt down, "Hi I am Max-Marty."

Fern glared at the hand he offered then she silently shook it. Max sat down beside her with his legs crossed and watched her take another pull from her cigarette. He frowned at her, her eyes still had tears building up inside. She was hurt and who could blame her?

"So I guess you are upset about this whole thing aren't you?"

"No shit," Fern finally spoke holding up her cigarette indicating the stress relief she got from it. "How long had you known about me?"

"I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for that in this area… I found out the same moment you did."

Fern raised an eyebrow, "Why don't you look upset?"

Max chuckled, "It all depends on your attitude. I refuse to live in the past. Look at this situation this way. I just met my father and my twin sister. I think I am going to spend the whole summer with them. I have a twin whom I can get to know and have a normal twin relationship with. I am on summer holidays. I have a real family."

"But this isn't something a person can get over so quickly."

"Then you have to start to get over it as soon as possible."

Fern smiled, "I like the way you think Max-Marty."

Fern killed her cigarette and stood up. Max looked at her uncertain, "What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted to get to know me. So let's start then?"

Max laughed and followed his sister over a few rocks. He couldn't stop the joy from flowing out of him. His twin sister didn't have a problem with him and she actually wanted to get to know him. That morning when he was out on the waves, he thought about his lonely future and now it looked quite bright and anything but lonely. He finally had a real family. And he was not about to let that go.

"Shit!" Kensi cursed letting her hands fly wildly in the air.

"How did this happen?" Deeks asked sitting down at the kitchen counter and running both hands through his hair.

"Hetty. Who else could it be? It's always Hetty trying to get involved in our personal lives. What was she thinking? This is not how I wanted our kids to meet! And I didn't plan on seeing you again either."

Deeks held his hands up in defence, "Ouch."

Kensi looked at him in anger, "What? You can't tell me you actually planned on seeing me again!"

"I never planned on it but it wouldn't hurt."

Kensi stared at him lost in thought, then turned and headed out of the room with her hands in the air, "I'm calling her."

Deeks shook his head. He was used to seeing Kensi that angry by now. It was not like her at first but soon it became her, angry and frustrated all the time. But he had learnt to love that about her all those years ago. It was hard to be around her again but he was thinking about their children. They were the ones who deserved it. Fern needed her mother, Max needed his father and the twins deserved to get to know each other. After all it was only 10 days. Unless Hetty arranged for it to be the entire summer… Deeks laughed to himself, it was Henrietta Lang.

A few minutes later Kensi returned to the kitchen and sat directly in front of Deeks calmly. Deeks chuckled at her sudden attitude change, "What did she say?"

"We are together the entire summer. She said she is not going to make us stay here together but something else will. So before _something else _happens Max and I are leaving when he gets back."

"I told you I'd be back so why are you so afraid of me, Fern?"

Kensi felt her heart melt inside of her. Hearing Deeks call her that name after all these years. She had to admit she missed it. She closed her eyes and pushed the feelings away. He needed to get away from him fast. She shook her head, "I'm going to read outside."

At that Kensi left the cottage. Deeks sighed watching her leave. He knew it would take a while for her to relax around him. it would also take him a while. He didn't think they could ever be the same again. And he knew there was nothing he could do about that.

Kensi sat on an old tree swing behind the cottage, pulled her cell phone out, and dialled a number.

"Hi." The warm voice on the other end on the line helped Kensi calm down.

"Nell."

Nell sensed the weakness in Kensi's voice, "Is everything alright Kens?"

"Hetty set us up. Deeks is here with Fern."

Nell gasped, "What!"

"Yeah. Fern freaked out and ran away and Max went after her. Deeks is inside."

Nell was quiet, she was excited that Max had finally met his sister but she couldn't show that to Kensi unless she wanted to be on her bad side. After the twins were born, she was supportive to both Kensi and Deeks as they went through their bad times. She convinced Deeks to let go of Kensi. She could not stand how hurt he was. It broke her to see them fall apart but she could not stand around and watch him hurt the way he was. He did not deserve that. Deeks insisted she moved in with Kensi to help her with Max and she had. During those few years she lived with Kensi they grew closer than ever. She helped Kensi come out of her depression and pick her life back up. But she had always hoped Deeks would come back. She convinced Kensi to call him once to see how he was but when she did she was silent and began crying. And for Kensi to cry her emotions must have been dark. Nell had always stayed in contact with him; she would call him at least once every month to see how he and Fern were doing. She restrained herself from telling anyone besides Hetty who was also the only other member of the team who kept in contact with him. She and Hetty would have conversations about them over a cup of tea or glass of Scotch every so often.

Kensi and Deeks were together with their children. By force but still together. Hetty was a genius. This was her evil plan to get them back together, to get them to bond with their children and to grow together as a family.

"Nell."

Nell shook her head realising she hadn't said anything. "Sorry. Are you okay?"

"Nell I don't know. I never wanted this to happen. Yes I wanted the twins to meet but _this?_ I don't know if I can handle it, seeing Deeks again. I feel so guilty for what I put him through. And I'm scared I end up…"

"Loving him again…"

"That. Nell tell me what to do?"

"You're asking me to tell _you_ what to do."

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm going insane. I don't know what I am feeling and that is terrifying."

"You're weak Kensi."

The words Nell had just said were sharp to her ears. _Weak._ No that was not something she wanted to be. _Ever. _She had spent her life running from that ever since her father had died when she was 15. She had let people see that part of her then and when she had forced Deeks to leave. Weak meant pain. She never wanted to believe she was in pain; therefore she hid it from everything and everyone including herself. But after all these years Nell was the only person to see through that. And she was certainly the bravest to tell her that.

"I want to leave. Everything was fine until he walked into the cottage an hour ago! I know I can't handle this I have to get away soon."

"No you don't have to get away Kens, I _know _you can handle anything. Kensi just think about Max."

Kensi shook her head. She couldn't be selfish and not let Max meet his real family. But she knew she couldn't handle this. Not alone. _Alone._

"Nell I need you to get here _now." _

"Kensi… what?"

"I need you here to help me. I can't do this alone. I need you to take the next plane here and help me know I can do this."

Nell bowed her head. This was not like Kensi. After Deeks had left she became weaker. Deeks just being there, around her or hearing his voice was always what made her stronger. When he was gone she had to build her strength on something else, on herself. An unreliable source for strength. What had happened to Kensi was not by choice, her depression. She could not choose to feel like that, she just did. She grew frustrated because nothing could help her, not medication, not therapy not even Deeks. She began taking her frustrations out on him. After he finally left she was never the same again. Her work performance was still as good as always but everything else in her life fell apart. Parts of her personality changed, she couldn't do things she always could, she shut the team out completely (She had never done that before. Yes, she shut them out on certain things that were too personal to talk about but never completely), She started taking on the more dangerous tasks at work and she never found joy in anything.

Most of that changed when max got older. He was just like Deeks, he would annoy her until she found joy in it. He broke through her walls and brought back most of the parts of her personality she lost but he still couldn't get to close to her without her pushing him away.

Kensi was weak and different now but to tell Nell she needed her to be there with her was bizarre. Kensi would never allow herself to be as weak as she was being in that moment and that made Nell frustrated.

"Kensi! Listen to yourself, this is not you. Stop being this person. You can handle this. You can handle anything! It is just Deeks and your daughter. Try to understand that this is not going to be as hard as you think. Take a deep breath, grow up and spend as much time as you can with your daughter. She needs you and you need her. You don't have to fix your relationship with Deeks but at least talk about what happened. It doesn't have to be today but soon. You will be okay now go and enjoy your summer."

Kensi took a second to process what Nell had said then smiled, "Thank you."

When the two finally put the phone down Kensi took a walk around the park. Nell was right, she needed to grow up and face her fears. She needed to find herself again. She was a mess and she needed to fix that. Hetty was smart. Family was the first place to start in finding herself. Family brought out the best and worst sides of you. Kensi had a whole summer to begin to find herself.

**Tell me if you want Nell to be married to Callen or Eric or someone else or just single.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**AN- Yes! The next chapter! I hope you all like it.**

**Disclaimer: I own only the characters you don't recognise and the plot. The rest all belongs to my favourite person, Mr Shane Brennan. **

A few hours later Deeks began making dinner in the kitchen. He watched through the open kitchen plan as Kensi finally came inside, settled down on the couch and continued to read her book. She somehow didn't look as angry as she was when she had left. Deeks honestly thought that that amount of time she was gone wouldn't be enough to calm her nerves. But somehow it was. He smiled realizing he had misjudged her. He hadn't seen her in 14 and half years. Clearly she would have changed.

"Are you still leaving?" he asked.

The sound from the kitchen startled Kensi, she hadn't noticed he was there at all. "Actually no. I figured it wouldn't be what is best for Max. What are you doing?" she asked avoiding any other touch on the subject.

"Making dinner."

"Oh I miss your food, what are you making?"

Deeks gave her a lopsided grin, "Pig snot and monkey tails."

"Excuse me?"

Deeks laughed at Kensi's wide eyes as she turned her head in disgust. "It's something Fern and I came up with when she was little. Its hotdogs, the roll is the pig's snot and the Vienna is the monkey's tail."

Kensi laughed understanding, "That's smart. Funny too actually, Max and I came up with something like that too, except he was much older than little, it was about two years ago. Called Russians Penis and sticks of cum."

Deeks choked on the breath he had just taken in, "What?"

"Yeah, I know it's weird. It's supposed to be Russians and fries."

"How could you even eat that after calling it that. That is disgusting."

"We happened to be eating that when I attempted 'The Talk' with him. It helped to break the ice."

"You actually attempted that? I couldn't get close to that. With her no, I can't imagine my little girl growing up, doing that stuff. I got Hetty to do it. Ding, Kensi one Deeks zero."

"Hey I said I _attempted_ it. I gave up and got Callen to do it. Plus, I didn't know this was a competition now."

"Why do we even need to have the talk with them? They clearly know everything we need to talk to them about already. They are teenagers for heaven sakes."

Kensi laughed agreeing with Deeks. She smiled, their first real conversation since he left. It felt good. She missed that. She missed his babbling on about everything all the time. It was finally back.

Just as they were talking the front door swung open and Fern and Max entered, their hair was wet and so was every other part of their body. Max was missing his shirt again and Fern had only her vest and bra on the top half of her body. Max had on his bright green flip-flops but fern was missing her shoes and only had on her socks. The only thing not wet on them was ferns bag across her shoulder. It probably had all of their valuables inside of it.

"That was so fun! You two have to come try that with us! We went searching for the tallest waterfall and we found so many and eventually we found it and it was amazing and then on the way back Fern pushed me into the lake and then I climbed out and got her in." Max laughed as he talked. Fern stood beside him agreeing and laughing with him.

"Looks like these two are getting on well," Deeks said smiling at Kensi.

"Of course we are we are twins dad!" Fern explained.

"Yeah," Max agreed, "It's impossible not to."  
>Kensi and Deeks laughed at the two as they walked drops of water through the cottage.<p>

"What's for dinner dad?" Fern asked.

"Pig Snot and Monkey tails," Kensi said smiling at Deeks.

Fern surprisingly rolled her eyes at Kensi and headed for her room muttering, "Who asked you." Kensi returned to her book confused at Ferns reaction. She guessed it was just her defence, and her trying to take in everything that had happened that day.

Dinner that night was as everyone had expected, quiet, awkward, and different. Fern excused herself to take a shower, shortly after Max also excused himself leaving Kensi and Deeks alone. The two made small talk trying to buy the time. Eventually Kensi returned to the couch and took out her book continuing to read.

She heard Deeks packing the dishes into the dishwasher and clearing the table then she noticed him pacing back and forth next to her, he was clearly trying to get her attention. She ignored him but soon curiosity got the better of her and she looked up at him, "What Deeks?"

A cheeky grin appeared on his face to let her know he had won, "Now that I have your attention… goodnight."

Kensi rolled her eyes in confusion, and then it hit her. There were only three bedrooms in the cottage. She stood up as fast as her body could allow her and flew after the idiot. "Deeks that's my room!" He was faster than her and made it safely into the room locking it behind him. She punched the door in annoyance. "You are an asshole. Please know that I hate you so much right now."

"I know," Deeks shouted back, "There are only three rooms and four of us. I wouldn't mind having you sleep in here with me. But I am almost certain that if I open this door you will kick my sorry ass out of here. There are blankets and pillows in the cupboard to your left if you give up and sleep there."

Kensi rolled her eyes realising she wouldn't win the fight unless she shot holes in the door to get inside, but that wouldn't end up well. How do you tell the manager you need to pay for the door because you shot holes in it to get inside and sleep in the room? You wouldn't.

She turned and headed for Ferns room, she took a deep breath as she knocked three times. After a minute the door opened and Fern appeared, she had a tank top and white shorts on with her damp hair in a braid resting on her shoulder.

"Hey Fern. I am sorry to bother you but I know you have two single beds in your room and I am sort of in need of one. Is it okay if I sleep on one?"

Fern looked over at the bed then back to Kensi, "I'm sorry, it's taken."

Kensi raised an eyebrow.

Fern smiled sarcastically, "It is taken by my panda teddy bear that has been by me my whole life and kind of deserves it. So no sorry you can't sleep there. Goodnight."

At that Fern closed the door in front of Kensi. Kensi's mouth dropped, she had never met a teenager that rude. Not even ones who had committed crimes too bad to speak about. The Panda teddy bear she had was the one Kensi bought her for her first birthday. She sighed and headed for the couch taking a blanket and pillow out of the cupboard on her way.

A few hours later Kensi awoke as someone walked past the back of the couch where she was sleeping. She sat up to see who it was. Fern, she had walked into the kitchen and was pouring herself a glass of water. Kensi sighed and lay back, "Do you feel good about yourself?"

Fern was startled by the voice she heard behind her then realized who was on the couch, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Really?"

Fern walked over to the couch and leaned over the back to just see Kensi, "Did you really expect me to be just okay with having you here? After what you put my dad through? You know that's not going to happen any time soon. You are the reason my father and I cannot be close because he is afraid to let me see what you saw. Whatever it is you saw you just dropped him after. You pushed him away until he hurt so much that he couldn't handle being around you any longer. My whole life I had always wanted to meet my mother. That is all I told people I wanted to do when I was younger, it was my dream. Other kids wanted to be astronauts and princesses; I just wanted to know my mommy. I always believed that the love you two shared was amazing because he was so afraid to talk about it, i hoped one day I would find love like that. But then my dad told me the reason you two actually split. It is a stupid reason. You were depressed, wow, I know what being depressed feels like and if I multiplied that by 100 considering what was wrong with you, I still don't think I would do that to the person who cared most about me than anyone had in my entire life combined. So no, we are not going to be happy mother and daughter because I don't like you. I don't mind if you leave right now because that would actually put my father in a lot less pain he is right now by remembering."

Kensi stared at her daughter in disbelief; she had no words left to say. Fern smiled and returned to her room. Fern didn't see the tear that left her mother's eye as she walked away or the pain that flew through her body. She did not know that Kensi agreed with everything she had just said. She didn't think that Kensi would actually leave. But she was wrong because Kensi had already made up her mind as Fern walked away that she would leave as soon as possible.

**I will explain Ferns sudden change of thought in the next chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**AN- Merry Christmas! I hope all of you are having an amazing day! This chapter is a bit short put it couldn't really fit into the next chapter. I am halfway through the next chapter and I do hope seeing people time is over now because i would love to have time to write before school starts again, i hate people. **

Deeks woke up to shouting outside his bedroom door. He recognized Kensi's voice and then Max replying softly. He stepped out of the room to see what the commotion was about. Kensi was standing by the front door shouting at Max who was sitting on the couch with Fern eating cereal.

"It was a mistake coming here max! It was a mistake staying here. We have to leave now. Go pack up your things and get in the car."

"I'm not going mom!" Max said trying to contain his anger.

Kensi saw the sadness in her son's eyes, she knew that he had only spent one day with his biological sister but taking him away from her was breaking his heart. She looked over at Fern who was watching her with a smug look on her face then at Deeks who watched her with curious eyes. She couldn't stay. She knew she had hurt Fern and staying would make her hate her more. But she also didn't want to lose. Not to a 15 year old. Not to her daughter. She couldn't stand to see Deeks face any longer, Fern was right; her staying would make Deeks remember everything she put him through. She had no choice, she had broken her family enough already. She needed to go.

"Max I am sorry but we have to go."

"That's unfair mom! You hid my family away from me my whole life, I didn't even know I had a sister, and then the second I meet them, the second I am happy you go and take them away from me as if you don't care about me at all. Stop being so selfish!"

Kensi was stunned speechless; Max had never spoken to her like that. He definitely hadn't spoken to anyone like that before. He was a kind-hearted, well behaved, good-mannered child who had nothing but love for anyone he met. He was angry. She wanted to fall to the ground right there and break down. She couldn't leave but she couldn't stay either. She had no clue what to do. She bowed her head and closed her eyes. She couldn't let Max hurt. She thought back to Callen and how all he ever wanted was a family. She knew he would be disappointed in her if he found out that she never gave Max a chance with his real family. She thought about when her mother took her away from her father when she was only 15. The pain wasn't the same but it had to be similar. She couldn't let Max feel like that. He definitely didn't deserve that.

She looked up again at her son, "Alright you can stay. Enjoy the summer with your family. Your dad can bring you home before school. I can't stay here," she kissed her son on the forehead, "I love you Max."

"I love you too mom," Max replied helplessly.

Then Kensi left the house with her bags in her hands. It took Deeks a moment in the silence to realise what was happening. He made it quick to the door and out to the car. Kensi had just finished packing her bags in the car. As he got closer he saw the glow of tears running down her face.

"Kensi what's happening, why are you leaving?"

"I thought I could handle this but I couldn't. It is my fault I separated the family in the first place, it is my fault I hurt you, it is my fault Fern doesn't have a mother and Max didn't have a father, it is all my fault, all of it!"

"Kensi none of it is your fault, listen to me Kensi!"

It was too late. Kensi had already climbed into her car and turned it on. Deeks watched as she disappeared at the end of the long dust road, driven by guilt. He didn't understand what had happened between the night before and that morning. He stared into the distance. He thought about going after her but he wasn't sure he really wanted to do that. Kensi was a hard person to understand. If he went after her she could either be angry at him or happy he did. And she was most likely to be angry.

When he turned around to return to the cottage he saw Max staring into the distance. He turned and headed in the opposite direction. Deeks quickly followed and found him sitting on the ground by the side of the cottage with his head in-between his knees, Deeks knew what his problem was without asking. And it wasn't all Kensi.

He knelt down and patted his sons back, "You're not proud of how you spoke to your mother?"

Max restrained himself from looking up but muttered, "Great, a lecture."

Deeks shook his head, "No I wanted to apologise to you."

"For what?"

"Well for starters you get that anger from me."

"You don't seem like an angry person."

"I know, but I do have my moments."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"I guess, but it gets serious with me. I learnt to control it."

Max lifted his head to observe Deeks. He was wearing a light blue sweatshirt that brought out his eyes. He was watching Max intensely. Max sighed and looked ahead, he wasn't comfortable talking to Deeks, a complete stranger. Why would he?

Deeks did not know if it was the right time, he wasn't thinking straight at that moment. His mind was split between worry for Kensi and concern for Max. He wanted to be closer to his son. He had a feeling Max didn't like him much. He probably blamed Deeks for what happened. He needed to let his son see him. "The reason we are like that is because of my dad." Deeks words caught Maxes attention; the boy looked up at his father waiting for him to continue.

"He was a drunk… He beat my mother and I. He had so much sorrow and anger built up inside of him that he tried to release by drinking and eventually hurting us. That same pain he had I know I have but I won't let it affect me or any of my loved ones. I see that same pain in you and I want to help you. I don't want to let you learn how to do it on your own because I did and it was hell."

Max looked at Deeks and nodded not sure what else to do. He couldn't understand why Deeks was opening up to him but he did appreciate it. He never thought that his problem with his anger came from anyone he didn't think anyone knew what it felt like.

Deeks patted his son on the back and was about to walk away when he had the urge to open his mouth again, "I know you don't like me as much as I know you thought you would and I honestly don't expect you to. I just want you to know that I want to be here for you, I don't want to try get you to forget all those years you didn't have me in your life but I do want to try and make up for it. I wish I could have been there while you were growing up, I wish I was in most of your childhood memories but I wasn't and I can't change that. Everything happens for a reason and I think meeting you here has a reason."

Max smiled as his father left him, he had a father and he needed to accept that and learn how to love him. That's what Kensi would want for sure although she wouldn't say it out loud.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**AN- Here you go! I am extremely sorry for the short chapter I recently posted. This chapter is more to the point. The next few chapters should be just a lot of bonding and love and maybe a bit of horrible past. I asked you all a couple chapters back if Nell should be single, dating/married to Callen, Eric or someone else and between Callen and Eric it was tied. So I made the beauty single. It isn't really a big part of this story but it is always fun to do the paring on the side. **

**Anyway I hope you like this chapter, I honestly had fun writing it.**

**Disclaimer- Still not Shane or Donald…**

After Kensi left the three all tried to forget about that day and tried enjoying each other's company. By the sixth day at the park Fern couldn't handle the way Deeks bottled up his feelings. They were always clear to her and probably always would be. She found him in his room that afternoon lying on his bed with his face buried in his pillow.

"Dad its Fern… Are you alright?"

Deeks sat up to face his daughter who now sat on the corner of his bed, "Yeah, yeah I'm good."

"Really?" Fern raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Deeks gave Fern a goofy smile which always made her smile but now nothing. She just stared at him in silence. He shrugged, "It's Kensi."

Fern bit her lip, "What about her?"

"I just… I just don't get why she left. She said she was okay with staying for Maxes sake but then the next minute she is trying to get out of here as fast as she can with tears in her eyes, and if anyone knows something about her it is that she _never_ cries. I just don't understand. I thought that just maybe we could all get along as a family this summer, be close together but then she left without any reason at all besides 'this was a mistake' and it just frustrates me."

"You wanted her here? I thought being around her would hurt you. You know… because of the memories."

"No Fern, we have way more happy memories than sad ones. Even the bad times we went though we still had good memories from them. I wanted to be around her again, I wanted to get to know her again, I wanted you to get to know her, I wanted this to be a normal family… I don't know Fern, I just thought this would be so much better with her here and I don't know why."

Fern tried to hold back the tears she felt forming behind her eyes, it was her fault. She cleared her throat, "Dad maybe she will come around, if it is really what she wants. But I know that leaving Max here was something she wanted or he wouldn't be here so I think you should go and spend time with him. Finish packing your bag and go on that hike with him. You need your boy time… to bond and all that kind of thing. You shouldn't beat yourself up because of her, alright? It is not at all your fault she left."

"Why not, I mean I wa-"

"Dad it's not your fault now get ready, Max is waiting."

Deeks smiled and ran his hand through his daughter's hair, "Okay I'm going Bossy boots."

"Don't call me that, dad."

An hour later Fern watched Deeks and Max leave the cottage after arguments about her being able to protect herself. The two were hiking a mountain and would only return the day they left. Fern had spent an enormous amount of time with Max the last few days and she had really enjoyed it. Max was reserved but it didn't bother her because she was the same. He annoyed her often with his humor but she annoyed him with her eating habits. They fit perfectly as twins.

She lay on the couch and stared up at the grass celling, she tried all she could to hold back the tears that formed in her eyes but eventually she gave up and broke into a sob which she hadn't for a long time. It was her selfishness and lack of respect whatsoever that got her into this mess. Max was out with his father hiking up a mountain to the top of the most beautiful waterfall Fern thought existed and she is sitting around waiting for them to come back. She was supposed to be with Kensi, getting to know her for who she is not what she thought or what anyone else thought. She was supposed to be bonding with her mother, the person who didn't mean to put her through hell but instead she was going to be bonding with her panda teddy bear that she knew inside out and there was really no use in bonding with it. She really didn't mean a word that she had said to Kensi. If only it were possible to rewind time. She smiled remembering her father's words, "If you can't change time then change the future."

Once she was sure there was no possibilities the two men would come back for anything Fern ran too Deeks room and took his phone out of his drawer. He couldn't take it with him because there would be no service where they were going. She took in an amount of deep breaths she couldn't focus on counting because her mind was all over the place. She couldn't believe she was about to call the mysterious woman her father spoke to over the phone often for as long as she could remember. She knew this person, Nell Jones, whoever she was, was from her dad's past. She gripped the phone trying to calm herself one last time before she pressed call.

"Nell Jones, who am I speaking to?" a sweet voice answered.

"Uh… Fern…"

"Excuse me?"

"Fern, Fern Deeks." The silence on the other end of the line made Fern wish she had never called.

"You're Fern? Well it's nice to finally speak to you, Fern."

"Likewise."

"So the purpose of your call?"

"Yeah, uh…" Fern tried to calm herself down again, "Do you know my mom?"

"I do."

"How?"

"I work with her, we're close friends."

"Are you an agent too?"

"Well I am actually an intelligence analyst but I do work in the field occasionally." It made sense now, Nell, Kensi and Deeks probably all worked together and Nell became close to both of them.

"Alright. Is my mom back at work?"

"Unfortunately she is, do you know why she is back? She refuses to talk to me."

"Yes. I know why but if I tell you you have to promise to help me get her back here."

"Agreed."

Fern closed her eyes, "I was angry at her for what she did to my dad and I said a lot of really harsh and unfair things to her that I really didn't mean and wish I could take back. I told her to leave and she did. Now I wish she had stayed and I want her back here and I need your help."

Fern was almost sure she heard a gasp on the other end of the line before the long silence. She bit her lip hoping this Nell person wouldn't be mad at her as much as she knew Deeks would be when she told him. "I will help you, I think you learnt your lesson, you need your mom."

"I do."

"Okay Fern, tell me how you plan on getting her back?"

"Uh… well since you're an intelligence analyst, intelligence is written all over that so you must have it so I was thinking maybe you could use it to help us out because I am completely stuck in the mud right now."

Nell laughed imagining Fern to be a teenage Kensi except sassier as Deeks had described to her. For the next hour Fern and Nell came up with a plan they could only hope would work. Fern actually started to like the person she knew nothing about who was on the other end of that phone call. When Fern finally put the phone down she smiled, she felt good about herself. She was finally fixing something big herself and not letting it ruin her as she had for her entire life. She was fixing it. When Deeks returned Kensi would be there and they could get on with the holiday Hetty had set up. Fern tried her best not to think about the possibilities of the plan failing or Kensi getting mad and leaving again.

"Come on Kens, I say you and I go grab a drink, we haven't in quite a while," Nell said appearing at Kensi's desk when the team was about to leave.

Kensi laughed sarcastically, "That's because we are getting old Nell."

"My age is good, your age is getting old!"

"Exactly, you go drink and I'll go be old"

"I need parental guidance?" Nell tried again.

"Come on Kens, go! You need to let go for a bit, I mean Max is gone, you don't have to be a responsible adult." Callen helped.

"Really?" Kensi sighed frowning at Callen.

"Yes," Sam cut in, "Go Kensi, it's not like you're going to be so drunk that you fall over everything and cry and throw up like you did at Callen and Jowell's wedding."

But she did, she agreed to go out with Nell for one drink which turned into much more and had tripped over invisible and visible things every few minutes, she had thrown up in the bathroom stall and now was sitting on Nell's car with her and crying. It was exactly what Nell wanted.

"Kensi why are you crying?" Nell asked.

"I always wanted my daughter to love me, I wanted us to be close one day but she hates me and it is all my fault!"

"You know Kens, you still could be close."

Kensi looked up at Nell, "How?"

"You could go back, what if she changed her mind and wants to know you now?"

"That won't happen. What part of she hates me do you not get?"

"The 'she hates you' part. I know she doesn't, and you know it too. She said whatever she said out of anger and you know that so well."

"But I can't go back Nell, she said it out of anger which means she is angry at me, why would she want me back?"

"Because she needs her mother."

"But she doesn't know that."

"After what she said, trust me she does."

"So what am I supposed to do? Just show up and mess with everyone's heads again?"

"They will understand, they have all probably had their moments. I honestly think you should go back."

"Okay."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes. I am going to go back and show Fern that she needs me and I need her and I will make sure we are happy together."

Nell's jaw dropped, she wasn't sure the plan would work in the beginning let alone be easy to pull off but Kensi had agreed so fast it almost scared Nell. "Okay then let's get going?"

"I can leave in the morning. I am tired now."

"Why wait? Ill drive, I haven't had anything to drink that was to strong and I am not tired."

"No Nell, its fine I can't expect you to dive all the way there and back for me."

"Yes you can, get in the car."

At sunrise the very next morning Nell arrived at the National Park in Kensi's car with Kensi fast asleep on the back seat. Fern was sitting on the steps waiting for them and felt her heart begin to race. Nell exited the car and walked over to Fern, "Damn, pictures really are no good, you're beautiful."

Fern hugged Nell awkwardly, "Well I have never seen a picture of you and imagination is no good, I always thought you were tall and blonde but you're…"

"Short and ginger?"

Fern laughed, "Yes."

"So… are you ready?"

"That's a rhetorical question right?"

Nell smiled, "Let's get her out of the car shall we?"

Fern nodded and the two moved the sleeping figure to the couch inside and were both surprised she slept through it. "She had a lot to drink," Nell explained. Fern found herself sitting on the chair in the kitchen fiddling with her fingers. "So are you in a relationship Nell?" she asked trying to focus on something other than her mother's reaction.

Nell laughed, "Actually I'm not."

"Why, you're stunning and from what I have seen so far you have an amazing personality."

"I just prefer to take care of people who need me other than be on a date with some dumbass."

"Do you mind it?"

"What? Being single?"

"No, putting up with Kensi."

Nell raised an eyebrow, "I don't see it as putting up with her, I see it as being there for her, she rarely opens up to anyone because she doesn't trust easily and also hates making her problems anyone else's and no, I love it. You see she is the type of person who could be on the verge of the end and she would smile and laugh as she does every day. I vowed to myself and your dad that I would always be there for her and I haven't broken that vow and probably never will. She hates the fact that I always want to talk to her and be there for her so I guess she is the one putting up with me in the end."

"So she is extremely reserved then? I'm just trying to find out as much as I can about her, sorry."

"Don't apologize Fern, I understand why you're so nervous. Don't worry, your mom is going to love you."

"Maybe, it depends on how well this morning goes…"

"It will go great Fern! Stop doubting yourself, you're just like Max. There is nothing to worry about."

"Well we are twins."

Nell smiled, "Right. So do you want me to stay here for her to wake up or go?"

"You can go, I think I can handle this. How are you getting home?"

"Did you see the Challenger behind me?"

"The what?"

"Dodge Challenger? It was driving just behind me, its another one of your co-workers or family… Sam, he followed us here. You should go out and meet him. I am almost certain you will hear a lot about him this summer."

"Dodge Challenger. Fern said again and walked outside as if she was a moth drawn to a flame. Nell smiled, there's one thing she didn't inherit from her parents.

After three hours Nell and Sam had left and Fern noticed movements from the couch in front of her where she was reading a book. She looked up and found Kensi staring at her in disbelief. "Good morning," Fern said politely.

Kensi sat up and looked around, "What am I doing here?"

"You got drunk out of your mind."

Kensi sighed loudly and buried her face in her pillow, "Nell!"

Fern smiled softly feeling a slight hint of hope inside of her, "I asked her to do it."

Kensi's head was up again and turned in Fern's direction, "You did?"

"I am sorry for what I did, it was extremely unacceptable and uncalled for. I want you to know that I didn't mean what I said at all I was just angry. I want to start over with you more than anything in my life."

After a few silent moments Kensi spoke, "I understand your anger and why you said those things, I have been in a similar position. I forgive you and I should also apologize for all I put you through. I really never intended to hurt you or your dad the way I did."

"You are forgiven."

Kensi smiled, "Do you want to start over?"

"I would love to"

"Hi, you're beautiful, my name is Kensi."

"Hey, I get that beauty from my mother. My name is Fern, it is wonderful meeting you."

The two woman smiled at each other unable to control it, they had finally felt a connection.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Authors Note- Hetty's CRAZY new destination comes along. This is going to be fun. This chapter is just plain and simple bonding which is probably the most important part of this story. So here you go.**

**Disclaimer- I own only the characters you do not recognize. **

Kensi and Fern where sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by thick black smoke in deep hysterical laughter. They had tried for the third time to make food and failed. "I don't get it!" Fern cried out, "We followed the recipe perfectly and still we are surrounded by the smoke of our failure"

"It is just our luck Fern. I have never been able to cook a meal myself ever before. I live on microwave food when Max is not around. He is just like your dad, his food is amazing."

Fern laughed and stood up to open the windows and door to let the smoke out. "Come on Kensi, let's go to the living room before we die of lung cancer. Dad and Max will be home soon to make us a proper meal."

Kensi and Fern settled on the couch nearest to the window where they could breathe. "I wonder how they are going to take this," Kensi wondered.

"You being back here?"

"Yeah."

"I think they are going to love it, I am the one who has to explain that I am a complete bitch."

"Don't worry about it, we don't have to tell them the truth."

"No I can't lie about this."

"Okay well still, I am here now because of you and everything is the way it was meant to be."

"I guess you're right, I just feel so bad for doing that to everyone. My dad completely changed when you left, he was hiding his feelings which meant he was in pain. He said he wanted to get to know you again; he wanted us to all be a real family for the summer. I think he really wanted you here." Kensi frowned and shook her head. Fern laughed, "What was it like, being in love with him?"

Kensi smiled trying to find words, "Very annoying, but amazing at the same time."

"I have always wanted to know but my dad refuses to speak about it."

"Fern I honestly will never forgive myself for what I did to him, we were both deep in love but I couldn't handle having him put up with me. He deserved better than that. I wanted him to be happy and I thought the only way was without me."

"But you were wrong, he could only be happy with you."

"Well he has made it this far hasn't he?"

"No he hasn't."

Kensi sighed realizing what Fern had said went for her too. Without Deeks she was never happy. Max could make her mood brighter but could never make her truly happy as Deeks had years before. She searched her mind for words to reply to her daughter and just before she opened her mouth to say something stupid the door swung open and Max and Deeks entered. The two stopped when they saw Kensi and Fern sitting on the couch together staring at them. "What is this?" Deeks asked. Fern and Kensi smiled knowingly at each other.

"I found Kensi," Fern said and without saying another word the girls got up and hugged the two men.

10 minutes later Deeks, Kensi, Max and Fern were huddled together on one couch, Max and Deeks were explaining all the things they saw and had to go through on the hike while Fern and Kensi explained how they had tried to cook and failed until Deeks phone rang and everyone went quiet. "It is Hetty." Deeks said anxiously.

"Put it on speaker!" Fern demanded.

Deeks nodded and answered the call, "Hetty, you're on speaker."

"Good. Is everyone there?"

"They are."

"Good. So you want to know where you are going next?"

"Yes we do."

"I hope you guys enjoy your stay in Las Vegas."

"No way!" Fern said.

"Yes way Miss Deeks! I will text you the address of the Stratosphere hotel you will stay at. You will all be there for three weeks before I send you to your next destination. Have fun now."

Silence filled the room before Fern screamed out in excitement. Every one followed. "We are going to Vegas! This is so cool! Let's leave!" Fern suggested. Everyone agreed and in due time the family was on the road in separate cars. Fern and Kensi were in Kensi's SUV while Max and Deeks were in Deeks truck.

"Dad?" Max said after a few hours of not talking, "Who made the first move?"

"Excuse me?" Deeks coughed.

"I said who made the first move? You and mom, who?"

Deeks chuckled hesitantly, "Do we have to talk about this?"

"Yeah actually we do," Max demanded.

Deeks laughed at his child thinking about the answer, "Well technically it was Kensi."

"Technically?" Max asked curiously.

"She kissed me first but we were undercover. I have no Idea why she kissed me because we didn't need to cover anything although when I asked she brushed it off as a cover kiss."

Max laughed imagining his mother denying it was intentional, "And then?"

"Then I kissed her on purpose."

"Why?"

"She was frustrated at my poor communication skills and shouted at me then I just kissed her and said 'how's that for communication?'"

"No way. You don't strike me as romantic, you didn't say that."

Deeks laughed at himself remembering the good part of that day, "That's because I am not romantic but when it comes to your mom… Anything is possible."

Max laughed feeling happy that once upon a time his mother was actually happy and in love. That was all he wanted for her his entire life. "So what did she do? After you kissed her?"

"She put her bikes helmet on and drove away."

"Did you at least talk about it after?"

Deeks frowned, "No… Something happened to me that distracted us both that I don't really want to talk about now."

"Okay. Continue the storyline."

Deeks laughed thinking about the next steppingstone in their relationship, he was surprised that talking about it didn't hurt as much as he always thought it would and he wasn't sure if it was because Kensi was there. He felt bad for refusing to talk to Fern about her. He had hurt his daughter from keeping all this from her and now he was talking about it freely but not with her. He hoped Kensi was doing the same with her. "Well I asked her out for tacos one night and then took her to a fancy restaurant-"

"Ahh, Aunt Nell told me this story. Mom showed up in the same clothes as she had the day before."

"She did. So you are close to Nell?" He smoothly changed the subject.

"I only told everyone she was my other mom for the first like 5 years of my life. A lot of people still think they are together."

Deeks laughed to himself imagining Nell and Kensi being labeled as a couple. Surprisingly it was not hard to believe.

Kensi kept watching Fern from the corner of her eye. She had a purple book in her hand and was writing rapidly in it. "What are you doing over there Fern?"

Fern came to a sudden halt at Kensi's words then looked at her, "I'm just writing in my journal."

"That's cool, mine is on my laptop and encrypted so no one can read it."

Fern pulled a face, "That's a little extreme."

Kensi shrugged, "You can never be too careful."

Fern shrugged, she never really worried about anyone reading her journal, Deeks had too much respect and she always hid it in the safe when she was done writing.

"So what are you writing about?" Kensi asked trying to start a conversation because the silence was beginning to irritate her.

"Just how good it feels to finally have a family. Not to be an only child and know my mother."

"How does it feel Fern?"

"Like I wouldn't change a thing. I am happy. I am finally beginning to enjoy my life."

"Hey can I ask you a question?" Kensi asked.

"Yeah sure," Fern said.

"Did you mean what you said, that all you ever wanted was to know me?"

Fern nodded self-consciously, "All a girl needs is her mother. I would see how my friends all talked about their family and I would fantasize about you. Going shopping, skating with you or painting with you like all the other girls did with their mothers. It was hard growing up not knowing anything about you. All I ever wanted from my dad was a picture with us in it but he said he didn't have. But I guess everything happens for a reason and you're here now so we can make up for it."

Kensi nodded hoping Fern meant that they could make up for it. Kensi felt she needed more than anything to make up for not being there to Fern. She owed her at least that. "Your panda."

"Huh?" Fern asked confused at Kensi's words.

"Your panda bear, I bought it for you on your first birthday."

Ferns jaw dropped realizing what Kensi had just said, "I am so sorry."

"Don't be. I just wanted you to know you have had a part of me with you your whole life."

Fern and Kensi shared glances. Fern couldn't believe the object she cared about most was a gift from Kensi.

**I told you fluff in the next chapter and I guess this is Semi-Fluff so there you go. Please tell me what you think. I also love suggestions.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Authors note-** Yes Densi fluff is on its way and will be continued. Don't lose hope. Today is the last day of my beloved Summer Holidays. I start school again tomorrow and it also depends on my father's mood swings weather I get to keep my laptop or not so my updates my not be as frequent as they have been. I know this chapter is long but I just couldn't find it in me to break it. I hope you enjoy it, take it as a peace offering from my future slow updates.

**Disclaimer- **I own only the characters you do not recognize from the original NCIS:LA TV show.

"Kens…" Deeks said quietly sneaking up to her bed. Hetty still hadn't changed the 3 bedroom sleeping arrangements, each of the twins had their own rooms and of course Kensi and Deeks got the couple suit and the twins refused to share their rooms with one of their parents so Deeks had agreed to let Kensi take the bed and he would sleep on the couch which was definitely not the worst couch to sleep on if you asked him. Deeks slowly crept up to the side of her bed where she was facing. He smiled watching her sleep, taking up all four quadrants of the bed with all her limbs, he remembered their first argument about it when they were undercover as husband and wife. She looked so peaceful when she slept. It looked as though all pain and worry had just fled from her. He blushed slightly when he realized where his T-shirt and boxers had gone. He shook her shoulder softly, he knew he had to do it harder if he actually wanted her to wake up but the truth was he didn't. "Kensi… Kens wake up princess." Still nothing. He slowly traced her face softly with his fingers until she grabbed his wrist tight and opened her eyes, studying the room before her eyes fell on him. He smiled tenderly and she let go of his wrist.

"Deeks… what the hell, what do you want?"

Deeks smiled, "You are so cute when you wake up do you know that?" Kensi said nothing but sat up in her bed with her legs crossed watching Deeks curiously. He chuckled softly, "It's the twin's birthday and you're wearing my clothes."

"Nell didn't let me get clothes before she dropped me off. I have been buying as much as I can and also wearing Ferns… I know it is their birthday. What are we going to do for them?"

"I Was thinking about it last night and I thought that maybe you should take Max out for breakfast and I will take Fern. Then we could maybe take them to the tower like they have been asking us to for the last 2 and a half weeks to just walk around and maybe go on those rides and then later tonight we can take them to a restaurant to celebrate them turning that horrible age."

Kensi smiled listening closely as Deeks rambled on all of the plans he had already made in his head. She liked that side of him that would go all out for people he cared for. "Sounds good to me," Kensi said at last. Deeks smiled as the two began to stare into each other's eyes. Kensi finally broke the gaze realizing that wouldn't help the situation they were in. "So what did you get Fern?"

Deeks smiled knowing she probably wouldn't agree with what he bought his daughter, "Oh Fern, that is something you will have to wait and see… At the moment I think we should get those two numbskulls up."

Kensi shook her head and took the hand Deeks held out for her and they made their way out of the room not letting go until they made their way into the first child's room.

Max watched Kensi stare at the white tablecloth of their breakfast table. He watched as her cheeks turned a light shade of pink and then returned to normal although her smile didn't follow suit, it stayed on her lips and Max had no problem with that at all. Max chuckled, "Mom?"

Kensi quickly looked up at her son innocently, "Yes?"

"Are you thinking about dad?"

Kensi almost choked on her denial and went red in the face at Maxes words. She stared at him for a second and when she saw how serious he was she burst into a very unpleasant and scary laugh. "I am not," she said repeatedly.

"Come on mom, I don't have a problem with it. You can't deny it. You guys have been spending so much time together since we got here."

"We have not," Kensi argued.

"Well I know that Fern and I have been spending a lot of time together _alone_ which means you and dad would have to be together a lot _alone_."

"We don't spend all that time together, Max."

Max laughed sarcastically, "Really?"

Kensi stopped laughing and crossed her arms over her chest and watched Max laugh at her. "I don't understand why you are laughing."

"You're so defensive, mom."

"I am not!" Kensi exclaimed, Max raised his eyebrow at her, "Fine, shut up and eat your breakfast."

Max nodded and did so.

"How do you like him?" Kensi asked.

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"He is good."

"Just good? Have you lost your sense of vocabulary, Mr. Deeks?"

Max laughed and shook his head, "He is amazing, he is down to earth, he accepts me and I like him."

A small smile appeared on Kensi's lips, "That will do."

"He is perfect for you."

"Max!"

"Alright fine, and you? How do you like him?"

"He is a great person and I love his personality. He kind of reminds me of you."

"Well probably not as much as Fern reminds me of you. You two girls are more twins then her and I. You look the same and act the same, eat the same, it is almost unreal."

"Yeah she reminds me a lot of myself too, how do you like _her_?"

"Man, I love her. She is my sister. _Twin_ sister. How could I not love her? She is cute, fussy, elegant, goofy, stunning, rebellious and fun to be around. I am so happy we have this family. Everything about it is just perfect. We all fit. We all fit perfectly."

Kensi and Max both shared a large smile before silently continuing to eat their breakfast until max did what every teenager does on their birthday, "Mom what did I get for my birthday?"

Kensi laughed. She had been waiting for him to ask. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want, a new surfboard."

Kensi smiled, "Good."

"Does that mean you got me one?"

"It can mean whatever you want it to."

"That's a yes. It's a yes isn't it? I know you, mom. Do you have a picture I want to see it?"

Kensi laughed, "It is custom made. If you see a picture you won't be as amazed when you see it in person."

"Mom," Max said trying to contain his excitement, "You just killed me."

"I love you too Max."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

"I love you.

Deeks stared at his daughter who was rambling on about something her and Max were talking about the day before, her hair was up in a high messy bun, she had on her usual jeans, T-shirt and leather jacket, Deeks smiled wondering how he deserved such a beautiful daughter. "Sounds like you and Max have been getting on."

"Are you kidding me? I think I am actually closer to him than I have ever been with anyone in my entire life. We still have so much to catch up on."

"Fern I can never apologize enough, you and Max deserved to know about each other, you deserved to grow up with each other. You needed each other and your mom and I are the reason why none of your childhood memories have each other in them."

"Dad you need to stop apologizing, you and mom had some issues and Max and I were separated. It is no big deal now because now I know Max and I know my mom and I am happy."

Deeks smiled at Ferns sternness, "Thank you."

Fern bit her lip deciding now was the best time to tell her father, "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"There is something I need to tell you."

"Anything."

"Mom left because of me… That first night at Yosemite I said a lot to her that I didn't actually mean. The stuff I said hurt her and then she left. I felt terrible and that is why when you left with Max on that hike I did what I could to try and get her back. I know I should have told you sooner and I know there is no explanation for why I didn't."

Deeks closed his eyes taking in his daughters words. That is why when he tried to ask Kensi what happened she told him it wasn't 'time'. He understood now. Kensi would wait to talk to him until Fern had told him. He was angry that Fern had said things to Kensi that had made her leave and had made her cry. Kensi was strong and what Fern had said had to be extremely harsh to break her. "Why did you say those things?"

"I was angry, after you told me why you two split in the car and then immediately meeting her I just snapped. I felt like it was her fault you are broken and her fault Max and I never had the chance to grow up together. I felt like she could have let you stay and help her. I didn't have a chance to think about it. I know now that she thought it was best for you if you left, she could barely take care of herself, she tried her best and did what she thought was best for everyone. She was in pain and she didn't mean to break this family up. I know it was stupid of me to do that but there is no explanation left besides my anger and trust me dad I am trying to control it."

Deeks shrugged, he got Fern's true explanation and that was all he wanted. She was honest about her feelings, and that was not something she usually was honest about. He wanted to be angry at her but he couldn't bring himself to it. He saw positive progress in Fern for the first time after what had happened to her a year ago. He couldn't bring himself to do anything but smile. Family was a blessing. "Thank you for telling me Fern."

Fern smiled realizing what Deeks had just realized, she had finally made progress. "So what are today's plans?" she asked changing the subject.

"Finally we are in the tower!" Max shouted as the family entered at last. He and Fern had been begging Deeks and Kensi to go inside the 1,149 foot tower since they had arrived at the hotel and now they had finally entered. For that whole day Kensi, Max, Fern and Deeks toured around every floor they could get onto. At around 5p.m the family made their way to the top floor of the tower where the top three highest thrill rides in the world were placed.

As the family entered the floor they saw the thrill rides expand up into the sky, around the tower and in loops and circles. It seemed like the type of rides a 9 year old boy would dream about, it was truly amazing. Deeks looked at the expressions on his small family's faces. Kensi and Fern looked as though they were seeing straight into heaven but Max on the other hand was the exact opposite. He chuckled to himself realizing Max was afraid of heights.

Max glared at Deeks then shook his head and cleared his throat, "Uh… you guys go ahead, I feel a little dizzy from lunch or riding the elevators or something."

"Come on buddy, it is better than you think," Deeks said.

"No, no, no and no. Not happening. I won't. Sorry wrong number. I refuse."

"Ah come on, Maxie," Fern teased, "It isn't so bad."

Max waved his hand at the ride spinning off the side of the building, "You want me to spin 1,149 feet in the air held back by a tiny piece of metal?"

Fern shrugged, "Er, don't look down?"

Deeks put his arm around Maxes shoulders and pointed at the two women in front of them, "You two go ahead and get us a spot in line. We will catch up."

As Fern and Kensi walked towards the large line Fern turned back and pulled a tongue at her twin. He rolled his eyes at her and turned to face Deeks. "Why's Fern so excited?"

"Uh… well she's a sneaky little dare devil, once she couldn't sleep so we took a walk to the Mc Donalds a couple blocks from our house and on the way back she pointed out the broken barbed wire around a billboard so I dared her to climb it and she did."

Max laughed, "Yeah, I have learned she is crazy like that."

"Trust me, never dare her to do something if you don't mean it. Anyway, you need to do this, if you really don't want to I understand but know this alright, 'Fear' is just an acronym that stands for 'false evidence appearing real' so basically your fears are not real because they're not actually happening- they are based on things that haven't happened yet and with this, probably won't happen."

Max widened his eyes slightly at his father; he was not expecting such powerful words. He couldn't fall, he knew that but knowing he still had to be that distance in the air made him sick to his stomach. He needed to do it, he remembered what Kensi told him once that the quote that made her the agent she was, was, 'rather regret doing it than regret not doing it'. He shook his head and smiled, "Let's go."

Deeks smiled proudly knowing he managed to convince his son to do something even he was afraid to do, "Hey, we might even enjoy this."

And enjoyed it is what they did. The two boys even decided to go on the next two rides. Max ended up loving the feeling of adrenaline rushing through his body and decided it wasn't enough so he and Fern went on another lap of all the rides before the family finally decided they had spent enough money on that section of the tower and so they made their way back to the shopping section where they continued to walk around and simply enjoyed each other's company. Finally Deeks glanced at his watch and suggested that they all head to the restaurant for dinner as it was almost 7p.m.

Fern locked her arm with Maxes and smiled, "Actually dad, there is this gallery I have been wanting to go to, it's on the strip so we won't get too lost, you and Kensi can go have dinner and stuff. We will be okay."

Deeks crossed his arms and glared at Fern who very cheekily followed suit, "Fern, what are you up to?"

"I just want to go have some fun with my brother on our birthday without our lame parents tagging along."

Max laughed, "Come on? What could we possibly do wrong?"

Kensi put her hand on her hip, "Well if I am not mistaken they call this place we are in now 'Sin City' so I believe you can do a lot wrong."

"Please," Fern and Max begged in unison. It looked as though Deeks and Kensi had a telepathic conversation before they turned and faced the kids and Kensi said it was alright. The twins quickly disappeared before their parents had the chance to change their minds, telling them they knew how to use and elevator and did not need them as escorts.

"So…?" Kensi said awkwardly after watching her twins run off, "So much for the perfect day."

Deeks smiled, "Well I guess we shouldn't waste a perfect evening then?"

Kensi shrugged, "Are you sure? I mean, you don't have to."

"Come on Kens, we can't let this perfect day go to waste." Deeks took Kensi's hand and pulled her along to the elevator.

Max grinned at Fern, they were now in an elevator full of people dressed in suits and smart dresses, finally away from their parent's eyes. Max tugged Ferns arm and grinned. Fern had only known Max for a few weeks now but knew that that grin on his face meant he was about to do something along his line of work which was most likely stupid and funny, but mostly stupid. She shook her head and braced herself as the elevator went from floor to floor and finally was now heading for the first floor where they would get off.

Max took in a deep breath and let it out slowly then cleared his throat loudly, "Uh-em, I am sure you are all most likely wondering why I called you all here today…"

Fern shut her eyes trying her hardest not laugh as the crowed of people silently stared at them both in utter disgust and confusion. Quickly the bell of the elevator rang and the doors slid open silently. Fern quickly grabbed her brother's hand and flew from the back of the elevator out, almost knocking a small amount of people over whom all seemed to shout back terrible words making the twins faces grow redder and laughter grow harder.

Quickly they were out of the tower and walking down the Vegas strip for the 7th time since the family had arrived. It was pure beauty- the lights, the people and the inspiration it brought. After visiting the gallery and a few other places Max and Fern made their way to a small café where they ordered two large chocolate milkshakes.

Fern raised hers slightly above the table, "Happy birthday brother."

Max laughed and raised his glass, "Happy birthday to you too, sister."

The twins hit their glasses together in laugher. It was different to be sharing a birthday with someone for the first time, especially if that someone was your twin. In the last couple of weeks everything had changed and neither of them could imagine everything going back to the way it was.

"I like this," Fern stated with a large conceited smile.

Max raised an eyebrow, "What do you like?"

"This, having you around, having a mom, having two parents, having everything change. I like it."

Max smiled at the comforting words then frowned, "Fern?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it will stay like this?"

Fern tilted her head, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, all this, our family, being the invincible and annoying twins, do you think we will stay _this_ family?"

Ferns smile practically disintegrated at her brothers words, she scratched the back of her head as she tried to find words, "I think if Hetty's plan works then yes, if it doesn't then I have no idea."

Max pulled a face at Fern, "There's more to her plan? I thought it was just to get us to get to know each other."

"There is so much more Max, don't you see? Having us getting to know one another was just the early stages and to make mom and dad stay in place, I think she wants us a _permanent_ family."

Max widened his eyes at his sister, "You mean she wants mom and dad to get back together?"

"That's exactly what I mean Max! They are in love and anyone can see that. They have been since they first locked eyes! Dad was so depressed when she left, you saw that too. They were holding hands when they walked into my room this morning. Max I don't know what has been happing in that suit of theirs when they are alone but if it is nothing I think we need to make sure it is something. You hear me?"

Max chuckled, "I hear you. They belong together and we need to ensure they are."

"We need to put them back, Max."

Fern and Max locked eyes and two very large unbreakable smiles appeared.

"I have an idea," Max said, "We are in Vegas right? Let's trick them into getting drunk and married. A lot of people do it right?"

"Yeah max, tons…. In movies."

"Hey, don't forget about the books!"

"And poems," Fern shrugged.

Max smiled, "That too."

Fern looked out the window of the café, "It would be fun though to do it and then tell people you did it. Not many people can say they got their parents married in Vegas while they were drunk out of their minds."

Max nodded, "You see my point?"

Deeks pulled Kensi into the elevator with him and pressed a few buttons. She frowned at him when she realized they were heading up instead of down and out of the tower to their hotel room. Deeks smiled, "What's wrong princess?"

Kensi crossed her arms, "My name is Kensi, and up is not the way we should be going."

"I have one more place I want to show you."

Kensi shrugged and shortly after the elevator doors slid open and Deeks pulled Kensi out onto the view deck of the tower. The two quickly moved over to the glass and leaned on the railings observing the city beneath them. Deeks pointed at the lights just beneath them, "Look there is Fern and Max."

"You can't see them, Deeks," Kensi replied shaking her head at him.

"No I am serious, Kens. I think they are being mugged by a gang of Monkeys!"

"You're a monkey and your jokes get lamer by the day."

"Hey, what did I do?"

Kensi shook her head, "Why is there no one here, the city is beautiful at night."

Deeks smiled and looked out at the many lights of the city then had an idea. He bit his lip as he walked over to Kensi, "Maybe so we can do this." He stopped in front of her, bowed down and held his hand out. "May I have this dance Ms. Blye?"

Kensi couldn't stop the blush that rose from her cheeks. She stared at Deeks for a moment not sure what to say or do until eventually she built up the courage inside of her and took his hand. He pulled her into a waltz although the only music they could hear was from the club a few floors down and that was definitely not the right music to waltz to. She giggled softly when she heard him counting his steps in almost a whisper. "I haven't done this since the last time we did," She announced.

Deeks looked almost surprised but also thankful at her words. "Glad I am not the only one."

It was romantic, dancing around an empty room overlooking the beautiful city, just staring into each other's eyes. They were both lost, lost in each other's touch, each other's eyes. It felt good, for a second it felt like the past had gone, all the tears and the fights, it was all gone as if none of it ever happened. They felt the very same feelings they had the first time Hetty had forced them to dance. It was as if they were back there in the gym of the OSP, uncertain about their feelings for each other, wishing they would never have to stop, fighting the urge to have their lips meet.

Overwhelmed by the feelings she felt Kensi pulled away and walked over to the glass again. She felt Deeks walk up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder, "Kensi, what's wrong?"

She shook her head not wanting to answer him. She wasn't sure she knew what was wrong in the first place. She swallowed down her fear and mustered up a few words, "What are we doing?"

"What do you mean? We were just dancing."

Kensi sighed, "Bringing back old memories, old feelings. Deeks, I don't want to feel those feelings."

"Don't blame fear on unwanted."

Kensi said nothing. She didn't want to reply, he was right she was blaming her fear on it being unwanted. She wanted it, he wanted him and everything that came with him. But she was afraid of it. "Talk to me Kensi?" Deeks asked.

Kensi turned around slowly to face him, "Deeks when has this ever worked out. You and me. It hasn't _ever._"

"Kensi there has to be a reason that we keep coming back to each other right?"

"Yeah, it's called Hetty." Kensi moved to the bench closest to her and sat down. "Deeks… Remember the frozen lake? We are back there. "

Deeks sighed and sat beside her, "Kensi. I think if we have almost made it before then we can make it again but to the other side. We have practice."

"How do you know I won't hurt you again?"

"I don't know, but I am willing to take that risk for you."

Kensi felt a tear leave her eye then laughed, "Have you been taking communication classes?"

Deeks smiled, "I may have…"

"I just don't understand this," Kensi said, "How can you still want this after what I did to you?"

Deeks smiled softly and cupped Kensi's face, "You may have hurt me but I never stopped being madly in love with you."

And just like that Kensi was speechless and if she did find something to say she couldn't because their lips had met. And once again they felt as though nothing else in the world mattered than that moment. Being with each other. Wanting nothing but to stay in each other's arms forever.

Kensi pulled away and buried her face in Deeks chest then looked up at him, "Deeks… I don't know if I am ready for this."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Authors Note- **I know it has been long, too long in my books. I apologize deeply. I did say it might take a while but I didn't think this long. Starting the New Year has been terrifying, I am now a senior and it is definitely not easy anymore. I am trying my best to block out fanfiction when I need to do something for school and that may be the reason I haven't written.

This chapter is not very adventurous but I wanted something to get the family bonding that this story needs. I was having trouble with trying to work Maxes character but I think I may almost have it down now.

I hope you guys enjoy this. Please don't forget to leave a review. Also if anyone has something they would like to see happen in this story I am 100% with trying to work your ideas in.

**Disclaimer- **I own only the characters that do not exist on the NCIS:LA TV show.

After many arguments Kensi and Deeks had with the twins about the reasons why it is not a good idea to drive to LA to ditch Deeks truck before heading to the next destination, the twins finally won by stating Kensi could fetch her clothes and both parents could save petrol. Soon the four hit the road back to LA in separate cars after collecting Monty from the pet care.

The two cars pulled into Deeks driveway at the same time. Fern screamed, deafening Kensi and jumping out of the car although it hadn't reached a perfect stop. Kensi's eyes followed her daughter who ran towards the opening garage door. Then she saw what fern had probably seen. What looked like a small vehicle covered in a car-sail. She turned her cars engine off and met up with Fern, Max and Deeks.

Fern wrapped her arms around Deeks and hugged him tighter than he had expected. "Thank you, Dad."

Deeks shook his head and held her shoulders as he spoke to her. "You're happy with a Scooter?"

Fern suddenly began to second guess herself, she was okay with having a scooter but Deeks knew what she desired. At the nod from Deeks she gripped the corner of the sail and pulled it off of the object revealing the beautiful motorcycle. The exact one she had wanted since the first day she laid her eyes on it. It was _exactly _what she wanted. She ran her hand across the bike making sure it was really there and smiling as she did so. She looked at her father and laughed. Once again he hadn't let her down. She lifted the small gift box from the seat and opened it pulling out a single key.

Kensi standing by with her arms crossed suddenly cut in trying to hide her anger, "Deeks where did you get that? Hetty gave me your key."

Deeks smiled, "She didn't take the spare key."

Kensi shook her head at him. It was the exact same bike he bought shortly after his torture. Hetty ordered her to drive it to Deeks apartment and not give him the key until he had arranged to sell it. He never mentioned anything about the bike again after the ride full of whining back to her house. She had forgotten all about it too until that moment. She couldn't believe Deeks would put his own daughter in danger. Fern was definitely too young above all in Kensi's books. She wasn't going to let it slide with Deeks. Fern could have the bike but not without an argument between her parents. She was angry at him.

The twins watched in amusement at the first fight they had witnessed between their parents. Fern should have been upset because it ruined her moment but she was everything but that. She was laughing together with Max at their parents. Both their points were invalid to Fern. They looked stupid.

Finally Kensi and Deeks stopped arguing and Kensi allowed Fern to ride the bike to her house as long as she had her on the back because Fern obviously hadn't had her license yet. Fern didn't mind at all as long as she got to take the first drive herself which she did. Finally they all made their way to Kensi's house where Kensi collected her clothes and they were on the road again.

###

Traveling in a car for many hours literally across the country as a normal family can be frustrating, boring, and does create many fights. This family was anything but normal. They loved being trapped together in a car, Fern and Max more so. The twins used it as a pass to get as much information as possible out of their two parents. It began when Kensi tried to get Deeks to go through the Golden gate bridge. Deeks refused and Kensi began rambling on information about the bridge. Deeks obviously had to find a way to shut her up and so he simply said, "Are you done yet, Wikipedia?'

Kensi remembering the nickname she received from Ray, glared angrily at Deeks and crossed her arms. The twins, amused by Kensi's reaction rapidly became curious. "What's up with that reaction, mom?" Max teased leaning forward, trying not to wake Monty who was asleep in between him and Fern.

Deeks laughed and decided to answer for her, "Your mom thinks she knows everything so my best buddy, Ray gave her a perfect nickname. Isn't that right Wiki?"

"Shut up," Kensi muttered, restraining herself from punching his shoulder. The twins burst into laughter and continued to ask questions about Ray and what other things he came up with when Deeks startled Kensi by what he said next.

"Oh yes, Ray gave _our thing _its name."

Kensi stared at him in shock not sure what to say or do, he had just given the twins a pass to ask more personal questions. She wasn't sure if she was ready to share more with the twins but she figured it was best if she did. She knew how much they deserved to know. She didn't want to be the bad and secretive parent forever.

"Your Thing?" Fern said leaning closer now too.

"There was a name for your relationship?" Max asked trying to find a reason why someone would do that.

"We were partners, friends and had a little something more. We couldn't call it a relationship because it wasn't but there was just something there that we wouldn't admit to and so we hid behind _the thing_." Kensi explained before Deeks could say a word and trying to sound as normal as possible although she knew she still did sound crazy. Deeks laughed as he watched the twins faces light up with amusement and confusion through his rearview mirror.

"Tell us more about this Ray guy, I like him?" Max asked once Fern stopped trying to justify to him why it was _cute _to have a nickname for a relationship.

Deeks explained how Ray had helped him in his youth which got everyone quiet and depressed so he quickly changed the subject and told them Ray had told Deeks to call him one day to tell him how things worked out with Kensi which quickly got the twins excited and Kensi angry again. The twins asked if he ever did but Kensi wanted to know most and so he explained, "I called him the second you two ninjas were born."

"They were not born in the same second," Kensi argued feeling that the conversation had headed into a direction she wasn't comfortable with. Suddenly Max and Fern wanted to know who was the oldest and had forgotten about the phone call to Ray.

###

The next day sprang around quickly and the family headed out of the banged up motel and back on the road for day two of their driving adventure. The twins failed to give their need for information a rest. Max proudly popped the first question, "What was it like the first time you worked a case together?"

Kensi and Deeks shared a smile remembering that day as if it were yesterday and Kensi answered finally, "The first case we worked was also the first time we met."

"And also the first time we made out." Deeks cut in knowing he was asking for some kind of pain inflicted on him from Kensi.

Kensi sighed not wanting to let go of the wheel to punch him, "We were both undercover and did not know who each other was."

"But your mom broke the rules and visited me one night without telling the team."

Kensi shook her head and punched Deeks as hard as she possibly could in the shoulder. "Let me talk Deeks! A member of the team at the MMA gym where your dad happened to be undercover died and my team was left to investigate his death. I went undercover as the dead guy's girlfriend and that is where I was introduced to Jason Wyler AKA Deeks. That night your Uncle Sam had to fight Deeks for his spot. Yes, I admit I did go and check on him, only because Sam beat him up pretty bad and yes, we did end up making out." Kensi looked at Deeks for a moment, he was dying for her to continue. "I felt something different about him, I couldn't put my finger on it, the team bushed it off as me being attracted to him but I had to find out for myself what it was."

Deeks laughed loudly, "So you almost had sex with me behind your teams back?"

"I didn't and you are making the kids think I'm a slut."

"Not far from it," Deeks muttered.

Kensi glared at him again for a second, "Excuse me, could you please repeat that?"

"You left naked pictures on a dead man's laptop!"

"I was his girlfriend!"

"When you were my girlfriend I never got that treatment!"

"That's because I don't go around sending people naked pictures of myself!"

"You sent them to him!"

"They didn't actually exist, Marty! I was undercover. I was acting!"

Fern and Max tried their hardest to hold their laughter in but couldn't any longer. It was the funniest argument they had ever witnessed whether in real life or on TV. Their parents were fighting about a case that happened years ago with two stupid points. Maybe the whole happy-family-while-traveling-thing only applied to Fern, Max and Monty.

When Kensi and Deeks had finally reached an end to their useless argument, Fern persisted to get more information. "Kensi do you remember what he was wearing, when you first met?"

Kensi and Deeks stared at each other for a moment, Deeks muttered, "Sex dungeon," and the two burst into an uncontrollable laughter. The twins could not even begin to try and understand what that meant. Max shrugged and the two stared at their parents waiting for them to explain what the _sex dungeon_ meant. When they finally did calm down they told the twins about the time they spent undercover as husband and wife and shared all the frustrating and all the funny moments with them.

###

Kensi had driven faster than she probably should have that day and so when they finally stopped at another rundown motel Deeks worked out that they had about half a day left until they got to their destination and not a full day.

The twins returned to their rooms after watching an old movie on the Motels TV in Kensi and Deeks room. Deeks lay back on the double bed once he had let the twins out. Kensi watched him for a few seconds contemplating whether she should ignore that he was there or if she should physically kick him off. She tried to think of something to say but she couldn't put what she wanted to say in words. She wanted to talk to him about the memories they had brought up in the last two days but she couldn't, she knew it might bring them back to the night in Vegas where she had ran away after they had shared a kiss. She still couldn't explain to herself why she had done that. She wanted him but she didn't know if it was the right thing to do. She hurt him all those years ago and she couldn't tell if she was afraid of hurting him again. She didn't know what think. She wasn't sure of anything at all.

"Are you just going to sleep here with me, Deeks?" she finally asked.

Deeks looked up from the dusty pillow he had his face buried in and looked at her. "Well maybe it wouldn't hurt. What do you say, Fern? Just like old times."

Kensi tilted her head at him and then got up. "I'm going to go for a quick run. I'll be back in twenty."

Deeks laughed at her way of dodging his joke then threw a pillow a pillow at her when she got to the door, "Be careful out there, this motel is from a couple horror movies I have watched."

"Hey, Monty is yours."

"And it was the only one that allowed Monty."

"Then don't complain."

"He has been yours for so long yet it's my fault?"

Kensi pulled a tongue at Deeks as she closed the door. She couldn't be there with him in that room for much longer. It pained her more each day she saw him and what they could've been but couldn't because of her foolish mistake. She turned and walked down the empty corridor until she found a step. She sat there and stared into the almost empty parking lot in front of the old motel. She put her head back against the wall behind her back. She tried her best to clear her mind but she knew she never was good at that. Often she felt as though her head was crowded with many thoughts about the past, the future, her job and things that could have been. She almost always felt like she wanted to escape it all, for just a second. She certainly felt like that now.

Suddenly she heard footsteps behind her and she spun her head around immediately. It was Max, dressed in his tracksuit pants and T-shirt. He smiled sincerely at her and sat next to her. She put her head on his shoulder and they both stayed in that position for a few minutes. They didn't need to speak. This had become Kensi and Maxes way of bonding a few years back. They would just sit together in silence, knowing the other was there and not leaving. It comforted them both when they didn't know they needed to be comforted. Max was what had healed part of Kensi, the only thing after Deeks that could truly warm her heart.

Max finally decided to break their silent routine and talk to Kensi. "Mom, what's up?"

Kensi lifted her head and smiled warmly at her son, "I am just getting some air."

"And?"

Kensi sighed she knew Max wanted her to confide in him. She didn't know if it was a good idea but she decided to do it anyway. "I keep thinking about how all of our lives would be different if we all stayed together in the first place. Fern would've had a real mother who she could trust and talk to about all of her troubles and vice versa with you and your dad. Marty and I could have still been partners to this day. Maybe the pain in all of our hearts would be lighter than it is now. I just wish I could go back and change what I did."

Max stared at Kensi for a second then smiled. "Mom I don't think this is any more your fault than it is dads. You weren't thinking straight and pushed dad away, that's why it's your fault. Dad let you push him away and gave up fighting. Both of you let each other get away but I don't think it's a fault. If that never happened everything would have been different and maybe not for the best. Maybe you and dad would have ended your relationship later and it would've been uglier. Fern and I may not have realized the value of family and wouldn't be as close as we are getting. Maybe if what had happened didn't then all of this would be worse and not better. There is no use hating yourself for something you can't change and worrying about something no one else does anymore. Mom, no one blames you for this and I think it is about time you didn't either."

Deeks had told Max the reasons why he and Kensi had split and Max slowly understood both of their reasons as the summer had gone on. At first he was angry at Deeks because he couldn't understand why Deeks gave up fighting for her but soon realized that Deeks tried and couldn't hold on to something that didn't want him back, forever. He understood both his parent's reasons and mindsets when it all happened. What he didn't understand though, was why they didn't just talk about their feelings then. It seemed as though a few hours of pouring their hearts out to each other would have fixed it but he knew his parents didn't roll like that, they had a high level of complexity. They never took the easy way, they never saw the easy way and refused to look for the easy way. He knew Deeks blamed himself for not holding on to Kensi forever and he knows Kensi blames herself for pushing him away, he also knew that neither of them blamed each other. He wished that the both of them would stop worrying and just let themselves be.

Max knew there was something else upsetting Kensi as she had not replied in a few minutes. "Mom, tell me what else is on your mind?"

Kensi looked at her son and smiled weakly. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to him about it because once it was aloud there was no taking it back in. She didn't want to feel the emotions she would get from talking about it. "You and Fern bringing up the topic of what it used to be like for us, your dad and I. It just brought up old feelings and I am having trouble putting them away."

Max wrapped his arm around his mother's waist and sighed. "Then don't. Don't put them back."

Kensi smiled again and looked Max in his beautiful blue eyes; she could tell he was being serious. "Max, I know you and Fern are trying to put Deeks and I back together but it isn't that simple. Love doesn't just come back in a moment, that's what you two need to understand."

"No, no, love doesn't just come back in a moment. In this case it never left, it was just dormant for a while."

Kensi shook her head at her sons point, trying to believe what he said wasn't true. She knew he had her now and she couldn't deny it so she just sighed and muttered, "Touché," before they fell into another comforting silence.

Max decided to speak again, he wasn't finished bullying Kensi. "Tell me what it was like. You left out a lot of your emotions when you told us all those stories. I want to know what you felt when working as partners on and off work. I want to know what your love and trust felt like, tell me?"

Kensi used the next lot of silence to think long and hard about her answer to Maxes question. Working with and loving Deeks was a lot of things, mostly annoying but everything else good too and very little bad. It was fun, hilarious at times, special, romantic, comfortable, happy, breathtaking and she hates to admit it but cute. The word then came to her and she smiled thinking about how it fit perfectly then smiled at her son.

"It was magical."

###

The last day of the family being stuck in the car for hours finally rolled around. Fern and Max searched the internet for facts about twin connections then spent an enormous amount of time trying to convince Kensi and Deeks they shared a twin telepathy but repeatedly failed at guessing what the other was thinking when they were tested. A few more minutes were taken up by Monty's desperate stops to do his business and take in some air. Fern and Kensi's hair discussions and Deeks and Max making fun of them because they can't pillow-style their hair without scaring the earth also happened. Finally they spent the last few hours trapped in the car playing boring family-road-trip games and getting to know each other more. Kensi was thankful the kids had not brought up any questions about hers and Deeks past together, she was sure Max had something to do with it but didn't mind. As they drove into their new destination the three children had fallen asleep on the back seat.

Deeks pointed to them and whispered, "Let them sleep for a few more minutes." Kensi nodded and the two watched the twins sleep. "Beautiful aren't they?"

"Perfect. Who knew this would ever happen? Having two beautiful minions taking the world by a storm not needing anything at all."

"They need us," Deeks said, "They need this family."

Kensi smiled and looked at the twins again, "They do." She put her hand on Deeks wrist and smiled, "I think we did good, Deeks."

Deeks smiled watching his two children lay asleep on the backseat both somehow cuddling the dog. He never would have imagined having them, seeing this picture in front of him. It brought him joy to see that he finally had a family he had always wanted. Then he frowned, he didn't. "Yeah… with them."

Kensi turned her attention back to the two sleeping potatoes, trying her best to ignore the unsaid words. She knew what he felt and she felt that way too but she couldn't bring herself to say anything and so she didn't, she watched the potential moment leave and Deeks wake the twins up who were now completely excited for their new adventure.


End file.
